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About me

Despite my age and declining memory, I still show flashes of the brilliance that made me a living legend, and I am as committed as ever to my hobbies: fishing, drinking Scotch, smoking cigars, operating firearms, and evading jail time. My past paramours include multiple ex-wives, a dwarf and her mother, a woman with a peg leg, a Barbra Streisand impersonator, and my one true love: Shirley Schmidt.


Denny's expertise and skill in media manipulation, as well as his reputation, have made him the public face of Crane, Poole & Schmidt. His aggressive personality, massive ego, excessive libido, and eagerness for the limelight have caused him to lose five wives, the most recent after only three hours of marriage when he was caught having sex with a catering server in the coat room at his own wedding reception. But as a name partner and the firm's resident rainmaker, Denny cannot be removed from the firm without great difficulty and economic risk (as he often points out, "My name's on the door").


Photos and videos

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Practice areas


  1. Litigation: 100%
    58 years, 6.04 thousand cases



Hourly ($500-1000/hour)

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Contact info


Crane, Poole & Schmidt
500 Boylston Street
Boston, MA, 02201-0001


We have not found any instances of professional misconduct for this lawyer.
Avvo contributions
Legal answers
Work experience
TitleCompany nameDuration
Sr. and Founding PartnerCrane, Poole & Schmidt1995 - Present
Association namePosition nameDuration
NRA - Natl Rifle AssociationMember1950 - 2008
Legal cases
Case nameOutcome
Black Orphan AnnieSettled. The defendant agreed to allow Sarah to be
The Bad Side of PoliticsRequest denied
Wiccans & Christians Vs. HalloweenMotion Denied
See all legal cases 
School nameMajorDegreeGraduated
T'Kuht University - Vulcan School of LawLawJD - Juris Doctor1955