What will happen in my case for a hit and run BUT returned in private property?

Your best bet would be to hire an attorney and have them help you with this situation.

Will I get arrested if I ask my congressman to Saw-Con these nuts?

This doesn't sound like a crime to me.

Can I get early termination of house arrest?

You could certainly have an attorney help you make that request.

3rd degree tampering with a witness?

You should provide the documentation to your attorney.

Charged with minor consumption of alcohol in MN, but I'm from WI. What can I expect?

A criminal defense attorney can probably help you keep this off your record.

You should contact a criminal defense attorney right away. Depending on the circumstances there could be a mandatory prison sentence in play here.

My wife received a warning for not moving over when a trooper was on the side of the road. ?

She should be sure to obey that law in the future. There is nothing to do about the warning.

Your lawyer can tell you the answer to those questions. If you don't have a lawyer, I would advise you to start consulting with one as you are...

If I plan on pleading guilty, is it still necessary for me to get a lawyer?

It is never necessary to have a lawyer just as it isn't necessary to have a doctor, mechanic, electrician, or plumber. You can try to do anything...

How much?

Unless you are charged there is no chance you go to jail for this. If you are charged, contact an attorney because theft is a serious offense.