Got bombarded by undercover cops in front of my house. They surrounded my car. Found under .50 grams of heroin in car.

You really should consult with an experienced criminal defense attorney to obtain the best outcome for this unfortunate situation.

Can I return to USA if I have been removal for 5 years?

I agree with Attorney Keen.

What kind of complaint can I file against my ex for contacting my employers and telling them I was facing kidnapping charges?

You can sue him for defamation of character. You should definitely contact an attorney for assistance with this matter.

Is being drunk on my porch "drunk in public"? Or lawn?

Were you drinking on your porch when you came up with this question?

I agree, take the test asap and contact your probation officer.

Do I need to contact a lawyer

You need to hire an experienced criminal defense attorney immediately. Also, do not speak to the police without the presence of an attorney.

Husband took a plea deal of 0-12 month for 3 counts of larceny

It depends on many factors not disclosed in your question.

Can a Employment base Immigration visa be canceled by employer; such that visa interview is complete, visa delay due AP hold

You really need to contact an experienced employment-based immigration attorney for guidance on this matter.

I got a open intox ticket while I was with my friend in Ann Arbor. We both had beers in our hands but only I got the ticket,

You should retain an attorney to see if you have a legitimate defense. CMU fans are not a protected class, so your rights were not violated based...

Which box of n-400 should I mark?

You can mark that box.