Best to check USCIS processing times for I485 based on asylum.

No you should not travel with AP after I485 approval and instead wait for GC.

The entire case then would take 13 months for processing.

Follow the form instructions to include the specific evidence required.

Yes you may update your spouses information at time of interview.

Not advisable to refile unless improperly filed initially. Consult with an attorney for guidance.

You should refile the I751 jointly and do so as soon as possible given previous history. Consult with an attorney for guidance.

It is best to have an attorney review the filing to determine if the denial is in error.

Best to have an attorney review the specifics of the case for guidance. Good luck.

The RFE appears accepted and the courtesy notice will likely sent as a separate notice unrelated to RFE.