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As a friend, you are a Class D beneficiary and thus subject to inheritance tax.
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The Ex;ecutor's commisions apply to the probate estate - and there are instances where a house may or may not be included, etc. teh things funded inside of the trust are controlled by the trust, and thus Trustee's commissions. You are right, in some instances the work is comparable, however in virtually all instances the Trustee's comissions are dramatically less - which is one argument in favor of a Living Trust when discussing with the client.
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In my opinion, you're out of luck - you're dealng with the intestecy statute. If the decedent felt so strongly, he/she should have had at least a basic will drafted to disinherit. You may have a shot in chancery if you can show the decedent's wishes clearly, however this is not a slam dunk by any means, whereas a will (depending upon the circumstances) would have almost certainly disinherited the intestate heirs.
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At the very least as a beneficiary you were (and re) entitled to a copy of the will, or as been suggested, go to the Clerk's office and obtain a copy of it. There may be over reaching - or limited assets to the estate.
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The proceeds are an estate asset - like any other.nnthe heck should go into the estate account, debts and any estate taxes need to dealt with, and then ultimately ou can distribute.
Is there a Will? What does the family tree look like? You can google intestate succession for your state if there is no Will to get an idea of how things should flow. If your grandmother had a Will and it entailed the property that would control.
The act of probate is using a Will to distribute an asset - in other words, if there is an asset, but you otherwise don't know who gets it, you're either going to use a will, or go with intestacy. if there is a deed, but only 1 name on the deed, and that person died, you then have to look for the will or go via intestacy; if there are multiple names on the deed then those names may control the disposition of the property. if you are a next of kin you should have standing to file an...
You need to check with the local intestacy statute - it probably leaves everything to children and surviving spouse (if any). It is unlikely your son would be entitled to anything directly from his grandfather's estate as his father has survived. As an aside, as your son is disabled and either receiving or likely to receive governmental benefits, it behooves his father (who you pointed out is non-cooperative) to devise an estate plan that leaves anything to your son in a supplemental needs...