Is there a mandatory jail sentence for possession of a crack pipe that didn't have a screen in it ?

There is no mandatory sentence. You should hire an attorney to defend you.

Why am I a criminal?

The problem is you took legal advice from a person, a cop, who just gave you a ticket. When you simply pay the ticket you are actually pleading...

Can my employer deduct insurance premium and retirement benefits from my final check which is only vacation payout?

Yes they can. Vacation pay is your salary for not working. Unless you withdrew from the retirement plan then they cannot deduct that.

Can I be evicted even if I gave my 30 day notice?

Filing for eviction would be silly, if you are leaving anyway. Depending on the terms of your lease, you likely owe rent for the entire 30 day notice.

I am doing a private sale with an individual - there are no loans on the vehicle except what she owes me?

Can you please repost with an actual question.

You are probably not going to jail, but really stealing Christmas?

Most likely not going to jail. but hire an attorney. or if you cannot afford one one may be appointed to you.

How much will it cost me to get a law or attorney Firm? to write a complaint for me in my civil case

That is such a difficult question to answer. There are many factors that need to be considered. Go talk with an attorney in your area for a...

Without knowing what the notice said, it is hard to say, but most of the time the Civil Demand letters are only a threat. It would cost more than...

Can I return to US before my ban ends?

A ban is exactly that, a ban. You are banned from stealing for ever, if you do it you get punished.