Criminal charges

This should be the least of your concerns. If you are charged with any kind of murder, you need to be talking with a lawyer, not chatting about it...

I was falsely accused then charged 25 years ago, but was found Not Guilty. In the last year or so I was denied entry into Canada

A very patient one. Neither the district attorney nor any other state agency is responsible for petitioning to seal your record. You file that...

Sister tackled me, and held me down to prevent me knocking on door. I fought back and was arrested for 3rd degree assault in CO

I think the crux of your dilemma is in your statement, " We were all drinking." You might do well to let a lawyer sort it out.

My friend's girlfriend got arrested can he get temporary custody for his kids to make daycare decisions etc..?

Sure. Have your friend contact a family lawyer.

Can I sue the police department?

You can sue the police, but if you do you risk a judge deciding you should have sued your parents instead.

False arrest?

You, or preferably your lawyer, need to see the police report. It is perishingly unlikely the officer wrote, "the suspect told me to slow down, so...

I found a backpack in a liquor store that was empty and walked out with it. I was later charged with theft.

Do not use that lame-ass excuse with the prosecutor or judge. If this is your first offense, and you take responsibility for a stupid impulse, you...

Am I like, done for?

I'm pretty sure you're wrong. Petty drug offenses can now be sealed, and some of those people who have smoked a few have gone on to become...

Unless the detective is hoping to coach a youth soccer team, I see no advantage in calling the detective back.

Feeling stuck as a victim

Trick 'em right back: tell them you're happy to testify. Then get up on the stand like the good citizen you are, and testify truthfully, which...