Very likely the employer is trying to comply with the I-9 requirements to keep you employed.

They can certainly try to do that. Coming to the U.S. as a fiance or spouse of a U.S. citizen no doubt would be much faster.

You can check the local processing times at USCIS.GOV.

You could change status to H4 if you wish. You could also consular process for an H4 or for the U3. It is hard to see how doing so would benefit...

No, you cannot return to your country from which you were granted asylum.

Yes, she can request to use her married name on the application for removal of condition.

About one to two years. Check www.uscis.gov for processing times.

The spelling on the birth certificate controls.

No, the H1b only allows you to work for your petitioning employer. The I-140 does not convey a work permit by itself.

She can come on a B1/B2 to help you out for a few months. For more permanent status you would need to prove there are insufficient U.S. workers,...