As the other attorneys said, you need to consult with an attorney asap. It is impossible to give any sort of intelligent answer without more...

Which court do I file in?

You should call the court clerk and ask them. You don't want the case to get thrown out because of bad jurisdiction.

My boyfriend of 6 yrs wants to adopt my 17 yr old daughter

Its rare that a 17 year old gets adopted. I would speak to an attorney to discuss the entire matter.

What's my best option keeping my option for keeping my child safe from her father?

There are different options. I really believe you should speak with an attorney to discuss your history with dad, and find out what is really going...

How the family court view alcohol and porno around kids?

If the children are not exposed to it, then the court will not take action.

As a non parent- obtaining joint legal custody of a child, what are my rights if the parent would dicide to take them back?

If you have legal custody, you have legal custody. But remember, custody of a child is not set in stone. Things can change, and people can petition...

Do I have to allow my 7 year old son to see his grandparents without me being there?

If they have no Court Order mandating certain rights then they do not have any rights. You are in charge.

Can a mother give a baby the father's last name without his permission?

The name on the birth certificate is the name

My ex never reported arrears to dcs as I always pay what I can. No report was ever filed, and my son is 21, can she pursue this

It really depends on your case. If she hasn't until now, maybe she won't.

What recourse do I have if my sons mother leaves the state without my permission during my scheduled visitation?

You need to check your agreement or order. Also where out of state is she going, is she going to NJ? Its not such a big deal. But if she's going to...