As the above answer indicates, you cannot have shared legal custody and primary custody (I am not sure what you are referring to as primary) unless you have a court order. On the same account, unless there is a court order ordering you to pay a specific amount of support, there is no legal obligation to do so until such an order is put in place. You also do not indicate how much income each of you receive monthly from work, etc. You also do not mention whether or not you were married to the...
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You do not indicate whether or not the mother has legal guardianship of this person. His rights would depend on whether she has a legal right to make decisions for him or not.
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If your wife died you do not need a divorce, as the marriage ended upon her death.
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If your marriage was annulled, it is as if it never happened. So you would not put divorced on the paperwork.
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You need to contact the court where you filed the papers. However, your divorce will not be finalized if no final judgment has been entered.
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The general rule is half of the marriage. The court will take all circumstances into consideration while making support orders so there is no "absolute" rule.
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If you are concerned with the safety of your grandchildren because of their mother's drug use you can call the Department of Social Services and make a report.
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A Judge can make the decision to give the other parent permission to take the children out of the country. However, if it goes before the judge you would be able to explain your concerns for the dad doing so. However, ultimately it is up to the judge.
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Do you already have a child support order? If so, you would file where the original paperwork was filed. If there is no support order, more information would be needed in order to answer your question properly.
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You can try to talk to her doctors and ask them if they would file an LPS conservatorship which is used for mentally ill persons. This particular type of conservatorship (guardianship) must be initiated by a mental health professional (psychiatrist)/
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