Rules that restrict communications with parties who are represented by counsel generally apply to the lawyers only, not to the parties themselves. Rules restricting what debt collectors can say apply to debt collectors, not to the defendants in a lawsuit. There should be no restrictions on your calling the other side directly and discussing settlement with them. You should make sure, however, that the other party agrees and understands that your discussion with them is a settlement...
You might want to check out the DLSE website: http://www.dir.ca.gov/DLSE/ And remember that the exemption definitions are somewhat different under state and federal law, and you have to satisfy both to claim the employee as exempt.
As a general answer, a corporate bankruptcy filing would not protect the shareholders of the corporation from a civil suit based on an alter ego theory, which is what the bankruptcy judge (trustee?) was probably talking about. Are you sure that only the corporation filed bankruptcy?
Your wife has to appear at the trial if she has been subpoenaed or given notice that she is being called as a witness by the other side. Otherwise, if you do not intend to call her as a witness, or do not feel her presence would be beneficial, she would not be required to appear. Understand, though, that if she is a party to the case, she may need to defend herself in some fashion or she might be considered to be in default. Really the best thing would be to consult an attorney. And I am...