Once you have filed bankruptcy the bank cannot go after that money. The real problem may be your bankruptcy Trustee. Money in your 401(K) is protected from the Trustee. Once it has hit a bank account it becomes less clear whether that money is still 401(K) money. If the bank account had any other money in it when the distribution hit it is likely that all of the money in the bank account was then un-protected. If you can show that all of the money in that bank account was a result of the...
While you cannot convert to a chapter 7, you may be eligible for a hardship discharge. To qualify you must be able to show that you can't make Chapter 13 payments due to circumstances beyond your control, the Plan cannot be modified to fix the problem, and the creditors must have received as much as they would have in a Chapter 7. This is a complicated issue, so I would suggest consulting an attorney to determine if this is right for your situation.
Another issue you may want to watch out for is how the debt is handled in the divorce. If the divorce Judge names him responsible for some of the debt and subsequently that creditor pursues you because he is not paying, you may be able to sue him for the amount you had to pay the creditor.
A motion for relief from the automatic stay is the creditor's way of getting around the bankruptcy court's protection. They can do this to enforce their state law rights with respect to collateral. It doesn't mean that they can try to collect from you, but generally gives them the right to repossess if it's a car or foreclose if it's a house.
The question may not be whether or not they are secured, but how secured they are. If there is enough equity over the first mortgage to cover the amount you are paying to the second then you're probably in the clear. If there is no equity over the first mortgage then I would say that payment constitutes a preference, but you can always do a lien strip in Chapter 13 if that is the case.
You just need to be aware of the benefits and down sides of a potential filing. The big benefit is the bankruptcy prevents the bank from attempting to seek a deficiency on the home. As far as down sides some of the big ones are: (1) You can't file another bankruptcy for a period of time, that time period depends on the type of bankruptcy, (2) your credit will take a hit, and (3) you could end up losing money/property if you have any non-exempt assets.
If you are not on the title you may not have to list the car on schedule B and subsequently exempt it on schedule C. Statement of Financial Affairs question 14 has a spot for property held for another person. If you have enough of an exemption to cover the equity in the car then I would switch the exemption to the appropriate one, otherwise I would pose the argument that the car is not estate property (i.e. it's not your car) so the Trustee cannot attack it.
You should stipulate to the non-dischargeability of the portion of the debt that you are settling for. If both parties to the potential adversary proceeding agree the Judge should have no problem approving. The debt will survive the bankruptcy and you will be able to get a judgment later if necessary.
You can surrender the vehicle then file a bankruptcy. The lender will not be able to sue you for any deficiency if the bankruptcy is successful. If the vehicle lender recoups the full $10,000 after selling the vehicle then they won't be able to sue you anyway since their claim will have been paid in full. You may want to wait until the vehicle is repossessed and sold before filing bankruptcy. This way you will know how much debt you are discharging in the bankruptcy.