Under the bankruptcy code, you can't discharge the fees. You may be able to repackage them, but both are considered "support" under the code - and much like leprosy, once you get it, you're stuck with it.
Generally he has to prove 1) his injury exists, 2) that you caused it, and 3) that he was damaged by it. The longer he waits, the harder it is to prove.
If you're staying with him because you're afraid he'll sue you - well clearly the relationship isn't working out. Furthermore, if he's pounding on a car in the presence of kids, I think that action speaks for itself.
I always caution against the cash grab (But different attorney's take different positions on this). I say this because 1) If the marriage has broken down, and 2) the money is being used in a manner not beneficial to the marriage (ie, not bills but on a wild weekend in Vegas) - then there could be some repercussions later on in the form of dissipation. We (Illinois) recently made a change to our dissipation statute, so I would encourage you to take a look at it first before doing anything....
I agree with Attorney Goldstein. Each judge is different, but many are inclined to rule in the same manner as the recommendation if what's said at trial is the same as what's said at pretrial. If the other side wants to be difficult, they have that right. Such is life.
Not even remotely true. Custody is on best interests, if dad flushed his case down the river b/c he acted the fool in court, that's on him. See the 600 series of the IMDMA for specific factors. Generally the ones the judge's always look at is the ability of parent #1 to foster a relationship w/ parent #2; many parents hear me (Or the Judge or GAL) explain this, but don't listen. And that is why they get steamrolled.
Custody fights are highly emotional, very easy to think with the heart...
On top of the other two excellent answers, at least with the 19 year old (And facts depending on the 24 year old), you can still seek College Contribution per 750 ILCS 5/513. Talk to a family law attorney in your area for specific guidance.