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Daniel Shure Simon

Daniel Simon’s Answers

8 total

  • Contact the child custody mediator

    I want to clarify some terms of our custody order approved by the family court. Is it possible to directly contact (i.e. write letter) the custody mediator who signed our custody agreement in order to ask questions and seek clarification about som...

    Daniel’s Answer

    First choice is to contact your co-parent directly and work with him/her. If that goes well, you might get lawyers and mediators out of your life permanently. If that's extremely challenging, find a transformative mediator who might be able to help genuinely resolve your conflict so you and your ex are back in control and feeling better about everything.

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  • Can I request to have mediation with a different mediator?

    I went to mediation yesterday and I felt some belittlement from part of the other party's attorney and the mediator. I thought they were unbiased people and didn't make me feel like my concerns and request mattered. Is mediation supposed to negoti...

    Daniel’s Answer

    I disagree with my fellow attorneys who suggest you need an attorney for this situation. I'm not aware of any research that says that having a lawyer leads to better outcomes in these situations; and I'm aware of many anecdotes in which a lawyer clearly did harm. As for the mediator, if you're uncomfortable for any reason with him, you get to end mediation immediately. Mediation is supposed to be about you making your own choices - there are mediators who know how to help you have a meaningful conversation with the other party and who know how to take all of your concerns seriously.

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  • Can a mediation agreement be withdrawn if it has already been filed with the court?

    My ex husband and I went to mediation and signed a mediation agreement. However, I feel that I was not represented to the fullest by my attorney and I was not thinking clearly when we were in mediation. I feel as if I received the bad end of the d...

    Daniel’s Answer

    While a legalistic approach might not be successful, how about approaching your ex in a more human way? How about having a good conversation with him, clearing the air, and trying to straighten out whatever you feel was unfair about this deal? When working with lawyers and legalistic mediators, your experience is very common. Legal professionals often' aren't helpful at making sure you got to make your own decisions that felt right to you. Your best bet is to work directly with your ex, maybe with the help of a transformative mediator.

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  • I was recently divorced. My mediation was a nightmare.

    The day of mediation my spouse's attorney turned in financial paperwork dated August 3rd, and we got it the morning of August 10th. My attorney was not too upset with this and we did not delay. The most important thing I needed was partial retir...

    Daniel’s Answer

    How's your relationship with your ex? Rather than going to another lawyer or another legalistic mediator, you might consider working directly with your ex, maybe with the help of a transformative mediator.

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  • Information Needed to take/gather for Mediation?

    What Information should be gathered/taken to Mediation to show "best Interest for child" when going for Primary Residence for child? how should it be approached/addressed to other parent? There will be an attorney hired however would like to be p...

    Daniel’s Answer

    • Selected as best answer

    The most powerful people at the mediation are you and your co-parent. Don't worry about showing anything to the mediator or the lawyers. Instead, focus on how to communicate with your co-parent in a way that s/he is likely to respond. And remember to hear her or him out completely, as well. Your children will benefit most from you and your co-parent rising above this whole legal process and dealing well with each other. So do your best to treat your co-parent as well as possible. And continue to keep an open mind about what's best for your child. It's certainly not good for your child to be the subject of a custody dispute. Don't imagine that lawyers or mediators know better than you or your co-parent what your child needs; they really can't help. It's up to you and your co-parent. If the mediator is not helpful at getting you to a better place in dealing with your co-parent, find a transformative mediator.

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  • Divorce Mediation

    We have a mediation appointment coming up next month and i'm just wondering what exactly goes on and what to expect. Also wondering who will be allowed in the room..

    Daniel’s Answer

    Most importantly, you call the shots! You do what you want to do in the mediation. Since mediation is entirely voluntary, you can always walk out if for any reason it's not meeting your needs. So do not defer to the mediator. He or she is not and should not act like an authority figure. Use the mediation to say to your ex exactly what you want to say, ask him exactly what you want to ask, and make your own decisions about everything, including how long you participate in the mediation, and including who participates. Unlike the rest of the legal process, mediation should be an opportunity for you to "keep it real", clear the air, and/or do whatever else feels most meaningful to YOU. You are the client. The mediator works for you. So ask not how mediation works - make it work the way you want it to. If the mediator tries to tell you what to do in any way, go elsewhere.

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  • What time-frame do I have to notify my ex of upcoming mediation?

    Got an upcoming date for mediation with my ex, when do I need to notify him?

    Daniel’s Answer

    Is it already scheduled? Why not immediately?

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  • Family Court Mediation Advice?

    We have been ordered to mediation via family court and I would like to make sure that it is child centered rather than the mudslinging tactics that I have endured. What is the best advice in terms of achieving the best outcome for our child? I a...

    Daniel’s Answer

    I totally understand your desire not to have to endure more mudslinging. Rest assured that in mediation, there's no risk that the mediator will believe what your ex says or use it against you. And enduring some of it might be very helpful. If possible, you might want to take the opportunity, difficult though it might be, to fully hear out your ex, and say something to the effect of "I understand that you feel that way. I apologize for any way I've contributed to our unpleasant situation. And I know you love and care about our child and I know he loves and needs you. We need to figure out how to work together to take good care of our child. I'm open to hearing all your concerns about me. But then I'd like us to get back to making plans for our child. I also understand that we might disagree about what's best for our child, but let's take back control of his parenting from the legal system." Also, if you don't like the court-ordered mediator, remember that you get to pick one. Look for a "transformative mediator". They generally understand how to get you to a better place more efficiently than do mediators who have been influenced too much by the legal system. Also, you're welcome to call me for a brief free phone chat.

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