No. You must be served properly before a divorce can begin.
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This is a serious enough matter that they should contact a criminal defense attorney in your community.
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If you were under 25 at the time of the offense, you may have your record expunged. You should contact a criminal defense lawyer to discuss this important issue.
If you don't qualify for a public defender, you can ask the court to appoint a lawyer for you at county expense, though you may have to reimburse the county after the case is concluded.
There's no firm rule on what you have to give her or what she has to give you. You should try to arrive at an agreement with her regarding dividing your estate. Some courts will order you to mediation, but if it can't be resolved then the judge will decide at trial.