You should file a petition in Family Court for custody claiming that your wife is seeking to interfere with the father/child relationship. International law does not play into this since your aim is to keep your child here so long as you act right away. Best defense is an offense.
Was your wife diagnosed by a medical doctor or are you using that term on your own? Also, you had three children with her one after the other and the characteristics you're speaking of must have existed during this entire time you had the children so be careful what you say and think as you are also responsible for raising children with her.
Also of concern is you complain she doesn't care for your children properly, but it sounds like you leave them alone with her all day..
Again, think all...
It's time for you to plan your divorce and include the issues of child custody and appropriate parenting at the top of the list of issues to discuss with an attorney who specialized in divorce and family law.
You would benefit from the advice of an attorney as you are tangled in what you perceive to be procedural issues and not getting into the substance of your case. By her asking for a conference you now need to prepare the actual caae so, again, please consult an attorney.
You might have signed an acknowledgement of paternity so you are then equal to her legally and can immediately file a petition seeking to prevent her from leaving the jurisdiction. good idea to consult with an attorney
File a petition for a modification seeking to limit contact based upon his not acting in the child's best interests. The Court will then take it from there probably recommending special conditions in which the father will see the child.