The issue of payment of fees is something left to the discretion of the judge. With a relatively small gap in incomes there may not be a fee award. With a significant but not one sided difference there may be a partial fee assessment.
The unfortunate fact, from your perspective, is that either way he will get a divorce. But without knowing a lot more about your situation the only good advice that can be given is not to sign anything before you have a conversation with a local attorney - in detail - about the marriage. How long have you been married? Are there children? Properties? IRAs or 401ks? All of it is important.
Pendente lite motions are something on which judges have broad discretion. They review the Net Worth Statements and the arguments of the parties, and make a decision which often mirrors the way the judge believes the case will ultimately settle.
Savings are a factor, but not necessarily the deciding factor.
You should discuss the situation in detail with a local attorney. This type of motion is rarely a do it yourself project on which a pro se litigant will do well.
What you need to do is stop fooling around and hiding and contact a local divorce lawyer, file for divorce and have her served. That will put into place automatic orders preventing certain transactions - which you should discuss with your attorney as soon as you retain one!
It's hard to understand why you canceled doctors appointments if you have a serious condition. You should write a letter to the insurance company and to the employer by certified mail demanding that they terminate the unauthorized insurance. You should also send a letter to the State Insurance Commission asking them to institute an investigation of possible insurance fraud, with a copy to the insurer and the company. That may get some attention.
If you file for divorce you must have your husband properly served. Then if he fails to appear the divorce can be granted on a motion for a default. You may wish to have an attorney assist you with this.