If you have lived in NJ for at lease one year, that is the State in which you file. You should consult an attorney with expertise in NJ Family Law. Good luck!
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This could be a very serious problem for you if your ex has remarried. If he has remarried and dies without the QDRO entered you could be out-of-luck as you are not a spouse and have no survivor benefits. You should get this done immediately.
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