When someone is going to "dress up" for court, this can mean anything - the latest fashion, fad, trend or style. Here in the Deep South (no, the courtroom is not the beach party you think all of Florida must be), dressing "nice" can get you convicted or sentenced harshly.
This isn't fair, many don't want to believe it, and you know what? I don't care: This is just how it is. My job isn't to run a fashion popularity contest, it is to obtain the best outcome available.
This is the Bible Belt
Those crazy fools who stand on the street corner with their bibles and holler at passing cars? They might be on the jury. Worse, one of them might be called "Your Honor."
No, I am not kidding. You need to dress like you just stepped out of church.
So how do you dress for court? Science has the answer - this has been studied and the next section is specifically for North and Northwest Florida, not Central or South Florida.
* Solid Navy suit, single breasted
* Black belt
* Black lace up dress shoes
* White shirt
* Regimental style tie (striped evenly)
* No earrings or tattoos or facial hair
* No jewelry other than a wedding band
* Short hair, but not a 'buzz cut' or 'skin head' hair cut
Do NOT dress to "look good" and do NOT pick out your man's tie - you'll pick out one that "looks good on him" - my greatest fashion fear. I don't want either of you to look stylish, or cool or . . . anything. All I care about is the best legal outcome, period.
* A conservative dress coming below the knees. Navy is preferred.
* Close-toed shoes of medium or flat height
* No jewelry other than a wedding set or band and a plain, unadorned, gold cross necklace (no hanging Jesus crucifix).
* Wear neutral colored hose - even in the summer.
Help Your Lawyer Keep You Out of Jale
If you want to increase the likelihood of going to jale, just violate these rules when you go to court - whether in Pensacola, Crestview, Tallhassee or Jacksonville. These rules were scientifically designed with real people in real situations and they are not the product of the fashion industry, guesswork, or my personal preference.
Think of it in the same way you think of how I spell "jale" - you care a lot more about not being there then you will ever care about how it's spelled.
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