Written by attorney Oran Kaufman

Conflict Self Assessment


People have many preconceived beliefs and attitudes about conflict. Some beliefs and attitudes help us resolve conflict creatively, but others act as barriers to conflict resolution. This assessment is designed to help you think critically about conflict, about your feelings when conflict occurs and about your own conflict mechanisms.

Answer the following questions being as specific as possible.

  1. When I think about conflict, the following words come to mind:

  2. When I am faced with conflict, I feel:

  3. When I was growing up, people in my family usually resolved conflict by:

  4. My usual method for dealing with conflict is to:

  5. If I could effectively resolve conflicts, the following benefits would occur.

Preparing for Mediation

  1. Before mediation, take the attached conflict self- assessment survey. 2. Conflict is a normal part of life. The key is not to ignore conflict but to resolve in a safe, productive and efficient manner.

  2. Conflict is opportunity. As contradictory as it might sound, conflict can often be the source of a productive outcome. Resolution of conflict conducted in the proper way can lead to many positive results.

  3. Listen. Take the time to really listen to what the other person is saying. Ask questions. Make it your point to really understand what he or she is saying and why. If you have a response, save it for another day when you will have the floor completely.

  4. Looking back. If you are going through a divorce, pretend you are looking back at your divorce from 10 years in the future. What would you like the process to look like?

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