You need to find an attorney immediately. Your actions are self defense, which means they are not "domestic violence". I would also consider filing your own TRO against him for the incident. Are there any witnesses? You should call an attorney and hire one to represent you against the TRO and get a restraining order protecting you and your children. You ARE VIOLATING the TRO by texting either your husband and probably your children. If there are criminal charges pending against you, the hearing in 2 weeks will likely be continued to protect your right against self incrimination.
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Wow, what a travesty. Yours is the kind of story that makes my blood boil. You have two cases and I am going to address the criminal case first. It is unclear which case the lawyer your dad is getting is working on. Is the criminal court appearance coming up the FIRST one you will have? Has a lawyer already been appointed to represent you in the criminal case? I am asking because if you have not made your FIRST criminal court appearance yet, you have probably NOT been charged by the D.A. yet. That means that a lawyer can be very helpful to convince the D.A. NOT to file charges, if you act fast. All he has to do is convince the D.A. that it is your husband who has the history of abuse and that this is all a cynical strategy. With the criminal case dropped, you will do much better in the custody case.
And by the way, you sound like an excellent candidate to get a petition for factual innocence granted, which will totally clear your record, including physically destroying the arrest record once the charges are dismissed (as I believe they will be.)
I do practice in Sonoma County, and do both domestic violence defense and expungements. So if you want a free consultation, please feel free to call. DO NOT plead guilty to anything to resolve the criminal case. Fight it. Your case is a great example of the rash (epidemic) of false domestic violence cases that are sweeping this state. It is a gamer's paradise, unfortunately. You can read more about domestic violence scams like your hubby is running at