All we can give you is general guidance: describe the situation, much as you did here. If you feel the need to cite specific violatioins (FYI, the bar can and will figure that out themselves). Finally, you have an attorney--a person familiar with ALL the facts, circumstances, and events---ask him/her for guidance on how to proceed especially where your contention turns on your attorney's collaboration.
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I don't know that you need to cite specific violations to make a complaint as a complainant. You need only describe the violation and the Bar will determine whether the facts constitute a violation.
I don't think you need to cite specific portions of the ethics code or statute -- that's the disciplinary committee's job to figure out. Your only responsibility is to recite the facts, dispassionately, completely, and accurately. That's all anyone expects from the lay public, especially given that the ethics committees in every state exist to PROTECT the public, not the lawyers they investigate.
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