You have the right attitude in saying you "don't want to take everything", but on the other hand, it doesn't sound like your good will is being reciprocated.
Your issues are way beyond something that can be responsibly addressed on a Q&A forum. Your ex has got to realize that your kids are entitled to support on the child support guidelines, you're entitled to half the PERS pension he acquired during the marriage, and he can't walk out with a developed earning capacity and say "good luck." I don't know without knowing all your facts, but while you're probably not entitled to any type of permanent spousal support, you're going to need support until you can develop your own earning capacity - which probably means going back to school. At 25, you're still young enough to do whatever you want in the world -- I didn' even t start college until I was 22 and there was a 64 year old woman in my law school class.
Bottom line - while a lot of questions posted here can be answered with some helpful information on handling something yourself, your situation isn't in that class. You need to speak to an attorney. The two of you can (and should) attend mediation to get to what's fair if you can't reach a FAIR agreement from the start, but you've got to know what the parameters are as far as what a court would order.
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At the very minimium you can and should get child support that is based upon the child support guidelines - not just what he offers - I can't give you a ball park amount because you did not state what he earns but I would guess it is sufficient to cover more than $75 per child. Depending on how long you were married - alimony could be a factor - at the very least you should ask for rehabilitative alimony to allow you to get training for employment so that you can support yourself. Depending on when you were married, you could also be entitled to a portion of his pension that would be set aside for you for when you retire. You may also ask him for attorney fees since you have no income of your own and you need representation.
YOu really should consult a matrimonial attorney. YOur husband has an advantage over you and you are not "taking anything away from him" that you would not be entitled to under the Laws of New Jersey.
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You can expect that issues including alimony, child support, custody (legal and physical), parenting time, and division of assets and debts (equitable distribution) will take place. A judge will give you time to either obtain an attorney or for you to consider all options.
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