I am sorry you and you family are suffering.
Your message was a little vague. These are the facts as I understand them.
You and your ex have teenaged children. You believe mom is poisoning their minds against you by leaving “information” (court papers?) around for the children to find. Mom accuses you of doing the same. The court has responded by ordering an evaluation and considering supervised visitation. You are concerned the children will go bad if this acrimony continues for much longer. You ask how you can let the evaluator know what your concerns are and what you believe to be true without appearing to be negative.
If I am correct, this is what I suggest:
This would be a good time to hire a family law specialist. Your situation, while unhappy, is not uncommon. It is possible to convey unpleasant facts without appearing to be vindictive. An attorney who has seen this situation many times can walk you through the process effectively. As I lack specifics, I can’t really respond specifically.
In general: cooperate. I don’t mean just the basics, i.e., show up on time, well groomed, open, and forthright. I mean the little stuff too – god is in the details. If asked for documents, get all of the records to the expert on time. Don’t include extra stuff they don’t need or want. Everyone can get a good character reference from their mom and their priest. Offer to sign a waiver allowing the expert to talk to everyone about everything. If you have to pay the expert, then PAY THE EXPERT. It does no good to present an image of a responsible adult and then behave otherwise.
Your children are teens, and the courts will take their opinions very seriously. Assure the children you love them and whatever they want is what you want too. Be aware, they may want mom more than you would prefer. You need to accept the bad stuff too.
If you found this answer helpful, let me know by clicking the "Mark as Helpful" button at the bottom of this answer or select it as Best Answer. It’s easy and appreciated. This response is intended to be a general statement of law, should not be relied upon as legal advice, and does not create an attorney/client relationship. We can be visited on the web at http://bortonpetrini.com/sandiego.htm or call 619-232-2424
Partial custody evaluation could mean various things. It could mean that a 730 evaluator could be brought in for a specific scope of what is best for the kids without doing a full evaluation. Talk to an attorney about how to approach the situation. Talk factually without making assumptions or claims. Talk about the concerns without making statements about the other parent's character.
This is not a comprehensive answer. Call us for more information. 619.797.5456 www.mataelelaw.com
I agree with my colleagues. The key is to frame the issues in regards to the children, not to focus on the other parent, as the court is required to make orders in the children's best interests and gets tired of hearing parents rag on each other. That is essentially what the expert is appointed for - to get past the he said / she said and into tangible and relevant information. To make your points, substitute "Our children" every time you want to say "Mother". This will help you frame your statements in a way that relates your concerns for the children, rather than any disdain for their mother.
Also, the inherent problem with teenagers is once an order is made they may choose to do something different anyways. The children's input will be considered and the motivations of a teenager are unique and generally selfish. Whatever the outcome, remember that while the immediacy of your situation is overwhelming, your children will be your children for the rest of your lives. As they mature, they will form their own opinions about what they experienced as children. You want to make sure they will respect the way you handled yourself.
The discussions above are for general information and DO NOT establish an attorney-client relationship. The discussions shall not constitute legal advice and are not intended to supplant or replace legal advice. You should consult an attorney in your area for legal advice as they will have the proper legal knowledge applicable to your case.
Sign up to receive a 3-part series of useful information and advice about child custody law.