Your father can engage an attorney for his own estate plan. He has testamentary control over one-half of his community property assets and 100% over his separate property assets. A local estate planning attorney can explain this to you and your father.
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I agree with Attorney Hackard. No matter how "fair" a document is, you cannot force someone to sign an estate plan. There is nothing else you can do, if she refuses. Your father can sign with regard to his assets and if he survives his wife, then his estate plan would control.
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It is very clear that your father, first and foremost, needs his own lawyer. He should not only have his own Will and Revocable Living Trust, but it is vital that he reviews his beneficiary designations to insure that the proper beneficiaries are stated for insurance policies, retirement accounts, etc. Good luck to you.
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Each person can dictate their own terms, actually. what is "fair" to you might not seem "fair" to the other person.
If both go to an estate planning attorney, a single document can be made to accomplish the wishes of both parties.
Since they disagree, it might be that both have to create individual and different plans. consult a decent estate planning attorney to make sure what to do next.
The above is not intended to be legal advice, but may be used for general information. Please contact an attorney for specific help tailored to your needs. www.figgardenlaw.comAsk a similar question