If mediating all issues in good faith is part of the order, you can file a motion for contempt for refusing to comply with the order.
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The standard dispute resolution provision in parenting plans does not apply to modification of the existing plan. The parents can always agree to submit any dispute or disagreement to mediation, but it sounds to me like you and she do not agree infactin fact about what the pending mediation is for. In King County there is no requirement that parents seek mediation before a petition to modify the parenting plan is filed. Sounds to me like you need to hire an attorney and assess if you have a basis to seek to modify the parenting plan, and if you do, you need to get the case filed.
A lot of people conclude that because an attorney is not required in a divorce case that they can save significant money by not having one. that may be true, but there are certain instances in which going without an attorney is inadvisable. Generally, in a non-cooperative divorce, you need counsel to keep from being bullied. Further, she has one so it's not an even playing field. Once you have an attorney these types of questions are easily resolved, and perhaps that will be the catalyst to getting some of the issues resolved, too. Good luck..
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