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What do I do if the person who filed and got a restraining order is not following the order?

Roseville, CA |

My ex who has a restraining order has tried twice to get me to violate it- told me through her dad I had to come pick up the dog (prohibited through the restraining order) and that I had to have visitation at her parents house (their house is protected by the order). I didn't get to see my daughter last week- supposedly they didn't communicate with each other the location it was to be at. And this week they ended the visit early (her parents are supervising as per the order) when my mom came- she doesn't like my mom. It will be several weeks before our mediation, and several more before the hearing for custody and visitation. Can I go back before the judge who issued the restraining order since she is keeping me from seeing my daughter, and has twice tried to get me to violate the order?

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Attorney answers 2


You can attempt to, but is it worth the hassle, it will take at least a few weeks to get back in front of the judge anyway unless an emergency? Sounds like she is trying to be manipulative and controlling - many times if you just ignore the tricks the ex will eventually stop.

Good luck with the situation.

Matthew Williamson


I assume that there were good reasons for the restraining order, but on the other hand, I am not a fan of people "gaming" the system for "payback" reasons. For that reason, I am not as mellow about this game playing as another attorney who posted.

I represent a lot of people who have been wrongfully accused of misconduct in DV cases, and if you are telling the truth, your ex is showing flagrant signs of trying to set you up to send you to jail. No, I do not think that just letting this slide will make the problem "go away".

You need to make a court record of her attempting to get you to violate the stay away orders, so that when she escalates and tries another trick to jail you, you will have some written record of her true motives. If you ever have a face to face meeting with her to do visitation and you have not witnesses, you are at her mercy as to what happened. If she says you hit her, you're dead, whether you did so or not.

I would be extremely careful here. Keep a log of every trick and game she runs on you. Dates, times, witnesses. And NEVER see her without a witness who is on your side. That protects everyone.