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What custody rights will my child's father have once I put a restraining order against him.

San Antonio, TX |

I filed a temporary restraining order against my child’s father when he attempted to choke me to death after we broke up almost 5 years ago. Before we got together he did time in jail for attempted murder. My child is now 5 and it has been almost 2 years that I have allowed my child's father to see him. He is now threatening me and my partner and has been up to my job cursing at me. If I file for a restraining order what rights will he have to our child? I plan on filing for sole custody but want to get the restraing order in place as soon as possible for he is threatening to kidnap my son. My child's father is telling me that his past has been wiped clean and that if I take him to court for sole custody of our son I will not win because I am a lesbean. Will the past restraining order not show up? Can his attempted murder charge be wiped clean? Will I be looked at as an unfit parent because I am a lesbean?

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Attorney answers 2


First, please do NOT worry about your preference as a condition for your parenting skills. There are LOTS of social studies now available that stand for the scientific position that healthy happy GLBT parents raise healthy happy children as often as do healthy happy heterosexual couples. The issue in this case is your child, his welfare and rights are much more important to any judge than your rights or those of his father. The fact that there is violence in the father's past is a critical component of what a judge is likely to do with the custody issue and so you need to be sure that you have proof of his incarceration, the prior orders and the threats to you, your partner and your child. It is not true that "his past is wiped clean" and a judge will care much about the current threats of kidnapping than his claim to have served his time and therefore have a "clean slate." So, here's what I would recommend: go first to the District Attorney and see if they will file a Protective Order for you because of the current threat to your child. If they cannot or will not, you need to find a quality lawyer who is accustomed to GLBT people and understands parenting issues. That lawyer should help you with a Suit Affecting Parent Child Relationship, setting out strong protection for your son. IF your son's father has access to him, it should be supervised, and there should be lots of therapeutic hands and eyes on him to be sure that he is safe through this process. I would also encourage you to seek a qualified therapist, not just for you and your partner, but for your son as well. He is likely to sense your anxiety and may have some questions about his biological father that might be otherwise hard to answer. A therapist can help you sort through these worries.


You should have noticed that since he did past time for attempted murder, he had the propensity for violence. The important thing is the best interest of the child. That being said, the court should allow a social study to be conducted to see wether either parent is fit for having a child.