First, have it well documented so there's as little "grey area" as possible. Get a police incident report - at this point, I wouldn't say you want to press criminal charges (Look it up - NJSA 2C:29-9, contempt of court order, and NJSA 2V:13-4, Interference with Custody or Parenting Time); you don't want to appear more aggressive than is necessary (and it looks better with the police if all you're trying to do is document the incident... if it continues, they'll agree a summons is appropriate).
Anyway, return it to court via a motion - try to keep the anger level down, although you should express your frustration. I would ask for a modification requiring that each of you pick up the child. That way, she'll either drive and do the pick up or else.
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You have a few options to resolve this outside of filing a new motion with the court.
If you and your ex are able to agree upon the terms of the order you wish to change, you can draw up a consent order and submit that to the court. The court will enter the order and it will be signed by the judge to become a new enforceable court order.
If you think you could reach an agreement with a little help from a neutral third party and have no history of domestic violence (no active restraining orders), you can reach out to the court to schedule court provided mediation. Custody and parenting time mediation is provided by the court at no cost. If you reach an agreement in mediation, the mediator will prepare a memorandum of understanding.
Lastly, you have the option of filing a new motion with the court to address the relief you seek, which may require your participation in mediation depending upon the contents of your motion.
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Only a judge can hold a party in contempt. Just about any family law issue can be resolved out of court it's just a matter of how it can be done.
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You may wish to try mediation but that may not work. You may have to utilize the authority of the courts by filing a motion to enforce litigant's rights.
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