I got pregnant with my on and off ex of 4 years just after he moved out of state. He told me to give the baby up for adoption, which I refused. Ex refused to have anything to do with me or the pregnancy and eventually denied it was his. Every month I’d contact him to ask how he’s like to participate, his input of names, health history because of complications, be present at the birth. Eventually he hired an attorney to threaten me throughout the pregnancy and after the birth. He has never met her despite being in town twice since her birth and on the same room as her (he chose to leave). He’s summoned me to court to remove her and file for joint custody, change her last name, and get temp visitations. He has yet to ask about her, refused to ask her name until it was required for the dna test, not helped out with her expenses. I provide him pics and continue to try to involve him for my daughters sake. She’s now 4 months, no court date yet.
Do I have to allow him access to my babysitters if they feel intimidated by the situation? Can I request to shorten the visitation hours (I’m breastfeeding, and cannot pump enough to accommodate)? How likely is it that I can I get sole custody?
Your matter is complex and you really need to consult with an experienced family law attorney who can uncover additional facts and provide comprehensive advice. That there is now a case pending means that you should retain counsel if at all possible, as complex issues regarding the allocation of parental responsibilities and parenting time, child support, and relocation are definitely not do it yourself projects. If there is an order for parenting time, then observe it, and in doing so he should provide his own child care, so I am not sure what you mean about allowing him access to your babysitters. Breastfeeding may or may not affect parenting time and in my experience judges are less sympathetic precisely for the reason you describe, because breast milk can be pumped and stored and transported to his residence just as easily as it can be provided for the child at yours. Custody is no longer recognized in Illinois. We cannot predict whether you would be awarded primary or sole decision making regarding the child because we do not have nearly enough information to comment. All of these reasons are why you should immediately consult with and retain an experienced family law attorney. Best of luck.
The responses provided here do not constitute legal advice and are not a substitute for legal advice. Please consult an experienced divorce and family law attorney for additional information.
First, there is no such thing as custody any more in the State Of Illinois. Second, where father lives is just a matter of geography. Until there is a determination that he is the father, there should be no court order giving him parenting time, and until such an order is entered, you are not required to give him parenting time. Lastly, if he has an attorney, you should as well because you have no idea of how to proceed in this matter.
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