Your adoption would proceed under North Carolina law since your are North Carolina residents and your son lives with you. Several things are in play here. One, your son may have to formally consent to the adoption if North Carolina law requires it. Generally, when a legal parent does not support a child, does not maintain a relationship with a child, and essentially "abandons" his relationship with the child, a court will terminate that parent's parental rights in a step-parent adoption. Your case sounds like a classic step-parent situation. Since your husband has really been your son's father for five years, you have an excellent chance of obtaining a step-parent adoption for your son. However, you should confer with a North Carolina adoption attorney to discuss the specifics of North Carolina law. You can find a good adoption attorney through the American Academy of Adoption Attorneys.