It is not very common to reaffirm mortgages in Washington. In fact, I have seen a bankruptcy judge tell debtors that he does not think it is necessary. For that reason, mortgage lenders do not typically send out reaffirmation agreements anymore. They simply do not care.
Due to new FHA (and other government requirements), lenders are now refusing to assist people who did not reaffirm on their mortgage. This has been causing a lot of problems with debtors who did not reaffirm before the new rules went into effect. Still, I don't believe that your lawyer did anything out of the ordinary. This is common practice in Washington. Don't let the lender trick you into thinking that your lawyer was wrong.
As for reopening the case to file a reaffirmation agreement, bankruptcy judges cringe at that idea because you will also have to vacate your discharge before filing the reaffirmation. It's possible that the court will not allow you to do this.
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The mortgage company received TWO notices that you had filed bankruptcy: the first one directly from your attorney's office and the second one from the bankruptcy court. If the mortgage company had wanted to prepare and mail the reaffirmation agreement they had about 3 months to do so. It is too late to get a reaffirmation agreement signed by the judge now. I don't understand what good a "letter" would do. Sorry.
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You should still be able to refinance your first mortgage without having reaffirmed it. Find a new potential lender. The brokers I know just ask the client to get a payment history from the creditor. I have done thousands of bankruptcies for clients. I have seen only a small handful of requested reaffirmation from first mortgage companies. As my colleagues point out, if the creditor wanted a reaffirmation, they had three months to send one. Attorneys do not prepare them for mortgage companies. Let's say we did, guessed on what the mortgage company would say the balance due is, had you sign it and sent it off to the mortgage company - there is still no guarantee or expectation that they would file it with the court. What should you do? Find a better potential lender and ask you mortgage company for a payment history.
My response is general information not intended as legal advice or to create an attorney-client relationship. Seek advice from a qualified attorney to see how the law fits your specific facts. I am licensed to practice law in Washington and Oregon.
I agree with the previous responses. I have also been told by judges and other experienced bankruptcy attorneys that it may even be malpractice to have a client sign a reaffirmation agreement for a first mortgage. When my clients insist on doing so, I have them sign a liability waiver. I think your lender is pulling your leg to be honest. I would get a second opinion.