You are correct in your question that if he does not show up and the woman does, the judge will extend the order and grant her whatever conditions she requests. If he does not intend to contest it, he does not have to show up but he will have no opportunity to challenge the order or even request that it be tailored to his requests. If they have children together he may want visitation. If they have any reason to be in proximity of one another (school/work/similar drive routes, etc) he may want to request that the protection circle be modified or somehow account for his needs. If he has any issues whatsoever about the terms, he should appear with counsel. Also, if he contests the underlying basis for the order, he should attempt to keep it off his record that he even has such an order. If you have further questions, contact myself or another criminal defense attorney before the hearing.
He would be stupid not to appear and contest this; he should retain an attorney familiar with the defense against restraining orders. There are bad potential consequences once the restraining order goes into effect.
He is required to appear. If his ex shows up and he doesn't and there is evidence that he was served, she can possibly get a restraining order for a year!
He needs to go and fight it! He has a right to a lawyer at this hearing, and I would strongly suggest that he bring one.