If you are having problems with a probation officer this is something you should either take up with his/her supervisor or take it up with the judge. In most cases, this would be an uphill battle. If you have an attorney this is defiintely something that should be taken up with your attorney.
In the future it would be a good idea to do what your PO says without variation, and to get as much as possible in writing and carefully document all your actions.
Probation officers are very busy and talk to many difficult clients. They are like any other occupation...there are good ones and there are bad ones. It is very common for them to not keep good notes in the file and have a faulty memory about what they said or when an appt. was. Always get something in writing confirming when your appt. is and when you show up. Get a date/time stamp on your appt. slip if nothing else. Also, keep good notes yourself of your conversations with your probation officer.
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Unfortunately, this type of thing does happen. It sounds like you are doing the right thing for now which is keeping documentation of everything you can. If your probation officer says you can miss an appointment ask to get that in writing. The probation officers are swamped and will often only look at thier notes in their file and often times are too busy to keep good notes.
You also have the right t contest any alleged probation violations. Do this. It will be easy for you to have the upper hand if you are the one who has all of the documentation.
Getting a new probation officer is not easy. Typically judges don't get involved in this type of thing. You should tell your P.O. that you want to work wih somebody else. If she agrees that the two of you aren't working well together then she might be able to trade your file with a co-worker. If not then you need to go over her head to her supervisor and express your concerns.
After that all you can do is take care of what you need to tak care of. Keep documentation and prepare to make her look foolish in front of the judge .