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No contact order removal by victim

Renton, WA |

My husband and I got into a heated argument and I removed myself from the room to attempt to stop myself from continuing the escalation. My husband wanted to try to resolve the issue but it escalated. We had a pushing war and I ended up scratching him on his arms and my own mentality got out of hand and I called the police and not even out of fear. I just wanted the chaos to stop. They found him being the aggressor since he continued with the argument. What are the best statements I can give the judge to have the order lifted?

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Attorney answers 3

Best Answer

It would be best if you obtain your own lawyer to represent you. Rather than superior court, this case likely is being handled in Renton Municipal Court if you live within the city. The courts perceive domestic violence as a recurring problem. Just as you were trying a short-term separation -- leaving the room -- to try to de-escalate the argument you were having, the courts impose what they perceive as a short-term separation -- a no contact order -- to de-escalate the relationship. They want both of you to have time apart to decide whether this relationship is something you want to continue, and if so, what steps you want to have to prevent this recurring problem. For this reason, the courts will not be receptive to you trying to lift the order. If you have your own attorney, one familiar with domestic violence, that attorney can help you navigate between the court's perceptions, any potential liability you may have for initiating physical contact, or to facilitate with your husband's lawyer to support his claim of self-defense. But if you try to do this directly, it will be far less effective.


Since you indicate Renton as your city, I presume this matter is probably in King County Superior Court. There will be a facilitator there to assist you...provided free. Often the facilitator will attempt to talk a purported victim out of dismissing. This is mostly because there are many persons with battered spouse syndrome, they dismiss and wind up in court in the future, having been battered again.

Next, you need to fully explain all of the facts to the commissioner, who will then decide what to do about it. The commissioner has the same concerns as does the facilitator. Hr/she will also check background information to ensure that there has not been prior history of DV.

This response does not create an attorney client relationship and is only intended to discuss general legal procedural matters.


The best statement you likely can give the judge is "Your Honor, I invoke my right to remain silent."

If what you wrote is true, you may end up being the person found guilty. Then, you would be the one with the order prohibiting you from contacting the husband, having the same practical effect as the husband being prohibited from contact you.

In WA, there generally is a privilege for one spouse to refuse to testify against the other spouse simply for being married with each other. However, in WA, in domestic violence cases, that privilege does not exist. A spouse would need to find some other basis to legally refuse to testify against the other spouse.

You should review your specific facts with your attorney to find out your legal options. Since there is a conflict of interest, one attorney cannot represent both you and your husband in this matter.

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