I'm sorry to hear about your situation with your wife and your bad experiences in the past with attorneys. Your wife's situation is one that is very complex and no one on Avvo will be able to give you an easy solution for it.
It sounds like you now have a better attorney than you had before. My recommendation would be to work closely with them to see what can be done on your wife's behalf. You've taken the first step by getting a stay of removal and reopening the case. However, it is really your attorney you need to be speaking to about this situation not Avvo. Not to mention you probably don't want to post confidential stuff about your wife's case on the internet for everyone to see.
You also may want to consider getting counseling for yourself and your children. These are stressful ordeals and perhaps that would help your family cope with the stress of the situation.
Follow your lawyer's advice. It sounds like finally you have secured competent legal representation. While this could be a difficult case, it's not impossible to solve. Good luck.
Did you see the length of your fact pattern? What is the assistance that you expect an attorney on this forum can provide? You need to hire an attorney to handle your case, not give you some ideas on how to handle it.
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Call the Oregon State Bar. I suspect that the lawyer that 'never did anything' has been recently disbarred and the PLF may help to pay for a 'good' lawyer to assist you.
PROFESSOR OF IMMIGRATION LAW for over 10 years -- This blog posting is offered for informational purposes only. It does not constitute an attorney-client relationship. Also, keep in mind that this is an INTERNET BLOG. You should not rely on anything you read here to make decisions which impact on your life. Meet with an attorney, via Skype, or in person, to obtain competent personal and professional guidance.