Skip to main content

My husband is physically, verbally, and mentally abuse to me and the three kids - but I dont want him arrested

Sacramento, CA |

He deals with marijuana and says that if I call the police on him all of us will go to jail. He is violent againt me and my step daughter and step son. I'm afriad he will turn violent on our 18 month out. He says that when I scream when hes punching me that I'm trying to call the cops to have all of us arrested. He said he would make sure I go to jail and forces me to help him grow and trim so if he gets in trouble so do I. He has three other kids abroad who are in a worse situation with their abusive mother and financially dependent on us so I dont want him arrested and I dont want to be arrested, but I want to leave and have sole custody of my 18 month old and if I can have my two step kids as well. they dont want to stay with him but wont testify against him because of their siblings

+ Read More

Attorney answers 5


You want everything; and you want nothing. All of the same time. You need to decide what you want to do.

henry lebensbaum esq 300 Brickstone Sq Ste 201 andover, ma -- (978) 749-3606.
Criminal Law (all courts), Drunk Driving, Drugs, Violence, Sex Offenses, theft, SORB, Divorce Child Custody Alimony Child Support & Modification, Contempts & Paternity Juveniles Domestic Violence & Restraining Orders, Business Law, Personal Injury, Guardianship, Conservatorship & Estate Administration & Legal Malpractice. For these & other areas, contact me. Email sent may be copied intercepted or held by computers.

Criminal Law (all misdemeanor & felonies in District and Superior Courts), Drunk Driving and Drug arrests, Sex Offenses, SORB, Crimes involving Violence or Theft, Domestic (Divorce, Child Custody, Alimony and Child Support) and Family Law (Modification, Contempts & Paternity), Juvenile Law, Domestic Violence and Restraining Orders, Business Law, Personal Injury claims, Probate Law (Guardianships, Conservatorships & Estate Administration) and Legal Malpractice. For these and other areas, contact me. NOTE: This preceding message DOES NOT create an attorney-client relationship. It is not a protected or confidential communication. The statements made herein are not to be interpreted as representations or warranties of any kind. No reliance should be placed on the statements made herein. It is recommended that the recipient(s) should undertake their own research to reach their own opinion. The writer does not accept professional responsibility on this matter. TO CREATE an attorney-client relationship REQUIRES a signed retainer/fee agreement along with a retainer fee that must be received by my office.


There is no question here.
I will tell you that I seriously doubt that you would go to jail for reporting the activities. Cops need a witness. You could be it.
Keep in mind that marijuana grows, even in houses, are regularly being discovered. There are even people who buy the weed to help the cops find them. IF you are discovered in this manner, you could be arrested and the kids are put in foster care. If the grow is big enough, it might be a federal case and a lot of time.
You are running a lot of risk.
You might seriously consider picking up the pnhone and calling the sheriff and inviting him over to see your husband's marijuana grow.
You might also see an attorney to help you do this. S/he calls the cops and makes the arrangements.

The above is not intended as legal advice. The response does not constitute the creation of an attorney client relationship as this forum does not provide for a confidential communication.


Do the right thing: Call the police and report the pot operation. I do not think you would be arrested. If father is abusing the child, you could be in trouble with CPS if you don't report the abuse. I understand you may not have income; in that case you may need to to stay at a woman's shelter. Regarding the step children, if there is a existing mother she may have superior rights to your stepchildren.

Thomas Neil is a Sacramento attorney, with 20 years experience, representing clients in court in Sacramento, the Bay Area, and surrounding counties. Or, if you cannot afford full representation then Mr. Neil can instead write you the forms and declaration you need, help you serve them, and tell you what to say and you can go to court by yourself. A well written declaration by an attorney, supported by proper evidence, will GREATLY increase your chances of success in court. Our office takes credit cards.

Thomas A Neil
3224 El Camino Avenue
Sacramento, CA 95821
(916) 446-4153


I can assure you that this is going to end. It could end somewhat favorably to you, or it could bring you hell. You must, not should, must remove yourself and your children, including your step-children, from that situation IMMEDIATELY! There are battered women shelters in abundance, and you can seek funding to get your life started without that beast via Victims of Crime funding, among other available resources that most shelters will be able to help you to locate. If you fail to remove those kids and yourself from the domestic violence to which YOU, not just the beast, are exposing them, not to mention the highly dangerous drug selling environment, you risk losing all of them forever. I assure you that the Child Protective Agency will find out sooner or later, probably sooner, and show up at the police raid to take your kids away after the police raid your home and take you and the beast away to jail. Your chances of having the opportunity to reunify with your own child will be greatly hampered by your time spent in jail fighting the charges against you, while your child will be bonding with some unknown foster parents who wish to adopt him or her. As for your step-kids, your chances or small to nil of reunifying. Those kids would be involved in a separate case with their biological, presumed mother. If you remove yourself and all of the kids right now, you just might have a chance to keep yourself out of jail and the kids out of foster care. Fail to do so and all bets are off, and I bet against you. Get strong. You have no choice.

The following answer represents the legal opinion of the attorney regarding a hypothetical situation. It is not intended as legal advise in an attorney/client situation. The answer to the question posed is not to be relied upon as legal advise. The questioner is advised to independently seek the counsel of a qualified lawyer with whom he or she can establish an attorney/client relationship.

Marty Burbank

Marty Burbank


This attorney is offering you very sound advice. Get Strong there is help out there.

Marty Burbank

Marty Burbank


Here is a link to some help:


I think you should call the police and report him. He needs to be arrested. When you do however, you should not have the children around, you should probably not be home either, and you should be absolutely sure that you are completely clean and sober at the time. If the police suspect you of being under the influence at the time they are there, they are likely to arrest you as well. It would probably be a good idea to talk to a criminal law attorney before you make the call, follow his advice, but maybe have him call for you. I said it before, but he needs to be arrested,you need to protect yourself and your children.

Every situation is different, it is important to discuss your legal issue with a knowledgeable attorney in your jurisdiction. To schedule an appointment with me please contact me at 800 220-4205 or

Can't find what you're looking for?

Post a free question on our public forum.

Ask a Question

- or -

Search for lawyers by reviews and ratings.

Find a Lawyer