my ex-husband did not see his children for seven months i want to take any visitation away from him and ask for more money because of the expense his actions has caused
You can't force a man to be a father. You also can't engage in self-help. You should file a petition in family court to reduce the visitation. There is no reason why you should be sitting around waiting for him not to show. You want to cut the visitation and put in a condition that he had to call to say he is exercising. But, you need to go to court. If you don't he can claim, and correctly, that you are violating the court ordered visitation.
In NY State, only a judge can change a person's parenting rights. Also, visitation is considered to be a parent's privilege, while child support payments are considered to be a parent's legal obligation. You can file an application to the court to formally modify or eliminate his visitation privileges based on his failure to visit, which is affecting your children's best interests. At he same time, you can request an increase in child support and let the court decide it. I suggest you consult with an attorney to draft the legal papers needed for court.
You will fight a losing battle. He will not admit that he did not visit his kids voluntarily. Instead, he'll make you the cause of the missed visits. Then, he'll maneuver for custody.
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