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My ex husband and I have a 50/ 50 joint custody. He won't let me have my time. What can I do?

Portland, OR |

Our parenting is week on, week off. Drop off by the parent sending at 6pm on Sunday. I asked him to have our son at my house on Sunday and he replied he would let the State decide, that our son is 14 and can decide where he wants to live.

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Attorney answers 3


Memo to ex husband: your son does not have the legal authority to decide whether he will live, full and voluntary compliance with existing court order is expected until changed, and court orders are enforceable through the contempt powers of the court which can expose you to jail time; and, really, is this your idea of a memorable Christmas for your son?

It may be time, Dear Asker, to retain local experienced family counsel.

Best wishes for an outcome you can accept, and please remember to designate a best answer.

This answer is offered as a public service for general information only and may not be relied upon as legal advice.


Neither your son nor your ex-husband get to decide. If you have a custody judgment that says it is your time to have your son, take the judgment to an attorney. He/she will contact your ex or his attorney to straighten this out before too much time passes. Good luck.

Be sure to designate "best answer." If you live in Oregon, you may call me for more detailed advice, 503-650-9662. Please be aware that each answer on this website is based upon the facts, or lack thereof, provided in the question. To be sure you get complete and comprehensive answers, based upon the totality of your situation, contact a local attorney who specializes in the area of law that involves your legal problem. Diane L. Gruber has been practicing law in Oregon for 27 years, specializing in family law, bankruptcy, estate planning and probate. Note: Diane L. Gruber does not represent you until a written fee agreement has been signed by you and Diane L. Gruber, and the fee listed in the agreement has been paid.


Your ex is wrong. Talk to an experienced family law attorney about filing a Motion for Contempt and Enforcement of the Judgment. Best of luck to you.

The only caveat would be that some Judges are hesitant to force older teens to comply w parenting time plans. You generally see this after a child is 16 years old. The child "votes w his/her feet" regarding where they want to be at. But your child is too young for such a concern.