First stop making confessions on an open and public site such as this one. You need to hire an attorney. If you can not afford one you can try to contact your local bar association for your county and see if they have any pro bono or legal aid attorneys that can take your case. You always have the right to represent yourself but it is rarely advisable. You also have the right to remove your own appendix but again I would not recommend it. Attorneys are trained and experienced in these types of cases. Failure to adequately represent yourself can cost you a lot of money and the custody of your child. An attorney would also be able to take the emotional equation out of the case and represent you with a level head. Good luck.
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The saying goes that the "person who represents oneself has a fool for a client." It couldn't be more true in child custody matters. I don't know any legal aid programs that would take contested custody case pro-bono. A better bet would be to seek out younger and less experienced attorneys who practice family law and work out a payment plan. Many attorneys will take payments as long as you make them regularly.
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You can represent yourself. But, based on your facts and confessions, I wouldn't recommend it. It is likely that you will get yourself in a lot of trouble by saying things in court that you shouldn't say. Call legal aid and see if they'd be willing to help you. Good luck.
This information is intended as general information only. This communication does not establish an attorney-client relationship between me and the asker.