There's no advantage to the cruel/inhumane. Fighting over silly stuff can drag a divorce out for quite some time.
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Your wife cannot prevent the divorce as (most agree) there is no defense to a claim of irretrievable breakdown. The other issues (such as custody, child support, maintenance, property distribution, etc) can take years to decide.
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Grounds are not the real issue the financial and custody and child support if any are the real issues. Agree to Amy ground and move on.
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In 2010 New York changed its 'grounds' for divorce to include an irretrievable breakdown for a period of six months or more. Generally it has been held that an affidavit by one party swearing to this fact will suffice. Thus it may be useless to prove grounds - and it is not likely to inure to you any benefit. This will simply drag out the process for very little reason. The law is different now ... a spouse can run around on you, spit on the floor three times ... and you are divorced ... and she will get CSSA and equitable distribution if she gets custody.
The law provides little incentive to try to stay together.
Unfortunately, these matters can take time if you can't reach a settlement. Contact an attorney, because custody, property and other issues may be carefully considered.
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You are correct that by counter-suing for Divorce based upon irretrievable breakdown in the marriage, she cannot stop you from getting the Divorce. It will take as long as it takes, but usually it will take somewhere less than 6 months.
Speak to your attorney about details.
Good luck to you both.
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