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Is the non-custodial parent required to provide proof of domicile change to custodial parent before parenting time takes place?

Lake Oswego, OR |

Non-custodial parent has been evicted from his apartment. He hasn't provided me with any documentation regarding his new residence, and he expects daughter to be dropped off at his old apartment, as per usual, even though he will move the same day to another location in the complex. He has only told me his new apartment number, no other proof. I am refusing to drop my daughter off "curbside", as court-ordered, without having an official document showing where his new permanent address is. I believe I need this "officially" so that I know where my child is at all times while she is overnight with him. She is 9 years old, and about to have a week alone with him at his home before leaving for a 2 week vacation to CA. He has listed a res in CA as his legal address w/ our former jnt mortgage co

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Attorney answers 2


This is one of those situations where reasonableness really ought to rule the day, but can't if the parents are determined to push each other's boundaries, distrust each other, and refuse to sacrifice any dignity or position for the sake of a power dynamic. It's for situations like this that many custody judgments have incredibly specific rules written in, to deal with every possible contingency. Your judgment might have a term that deals with this. If it doesn't, then he still /should/ tell you his new address, but you probably shouldn't refuse to allow him parenting time, either.

Think of it this way: If one of you fails to comply with the court's custody judgment, the remedy is for the other party to file a motion to enforce with the court. In that case, "She didn't let me see my child!" sounds more serious than "He didn't tell me his address!" Though that is a lot more serious if parenting time is overnight, than if it's just a few hours.

What you really ought to do is to modify the parenting plan to account for this contingency - to require prompt notification of address changes, and the location of parenting time, and such chances - so as to remove the reasonableness component. Until you do, these little opportunities for power games and boundary-pushing will keep coming up.

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Parents are almost always required to provide each other with current address, phone number, et cetera. These should all be in writing, including email or even text message. I've never heard of a parent being required to provide something called "official" documentation - e.g., a lease agreement or some such - and I don't imagine a court would order it absent some really good reason / extenuating circumstance.

Additionally, a curbside dropoff/pickup is not inherently unreasonable, and since it is a court order you are required to obey it. However, if the other parent has said he doesn't live there anymore, and the "curbside dropoff" provision refers to the other parent's residence, then there's no reason to drop the child off there. Of course, if the other parent says he lives there, just in a different apartment (and provides the apartment number, as you said he has), then nothing has really changed. Unless the judgment requires him to provide proof beyond his word, and he has violated that order, there's probably no good reason for the court to order a modification.

What would be a good reason for a modification is if the judgment is vague, and the two parents cannot agree on something substantial. In that case, it is reasonable to ask the court for some modifications to further clarify the parents' respective rights and responsibilities.

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