I would recommend contacting a criminal defense attorney on this issue.
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There is a lot of confusion in what you are saying. I would like to see the documents before I give you advice on what they require. From what I understand, you were arrested on a DV and went in front of a judge who issued a no contact requirement of your release. Also, the police generally have victims of DV sign saying they are a victim so the state will have to comply with victim rights. From your standpoint, you want to bring everything to an attorney to look at. If you have a no-contact order and you violate it that is an additional crime.
If the judge says to not contact her until your arraignment, you are violating a court order if you contact her prior to your arraignment, which is a bad thing. You can have neither a criminal case nor OP (best), one or the other (not good) or both (worst). It sounds like you have a criminal order saying no contact, no OP, which means no contact. If you want to change that, a lawyer can certainly try and help you.
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