If your ex is threatening you when you discuss this with him, stop discussing it with him.
Custody (now called "Legal Decision Making Authority") will likely not be modified.
Parenting Time, the time children are with each parent will likely be modified.
You need to file a Petition to Modify Parenting Time and Child Support. His decision to move away made the 50/50 Parenting Time unworkable two years ago. Based on your statements here, it is highly unlikely that he could prevail if he contests your paperwork.
Once Parenting Time is resolved, the court will recalculate the child support and readdress the issue of the tax deduction.
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You may not be able to modify legal decision making, but you will be able to modify parenting time as your ex is no longer able to have the children for fifty percent of the time. In addition, the IRS determines who is entitled to the deductions, regardless of what is in the decree. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now and would benefit from advice of counsel.
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