Skip to main content

Is it illegal to offer my ex money to not fight me for full custody?

Prineville, OR |

my son has lived with me since he was born, his father never really spent any time with him.. and its been about 2 years since any contact including phone calls. i have temperally had my children removed from my home for something my fiance did. when my dhs case is over i will be fighting for custody for my son. he is 6 now and begs me everyday to bring him back home. he says he will be fighting me for custody i believe the main reason is because he 100% lives off state "help" and gets extra money for having my son there. i want to offer him money to just not fight me.. go back to the way things were before where he really have little to no contact with our son and made no attempts to even call. i just want to make sure its not going to hurt me if i do try that

+ Read More

Attorney answers 3


DON'T!!!!!!! Such an agreement will NOT be honored by the court. He will take your $$$ and still file for custody. I hope you have an attorney for the DHS case and that you are following his advice AND doing what the court expects you to do. If not, the father has a bigger chance of getting custody. Good luck.

Be sure to designate "best answer." Please be aware that each answer on this website is based upon the facts, or lack thereof, provided in the question. To be sure you get complete and comprehensive answers, based upon the totality of your situation, contact a local attorney who specializes in the area of law that involves your legal problem. Diane L. Gruber has been practicing law in Oregon for 27 years, specializing in family law, bankruptcy, estate planning and probate. Note: Diane L. Gruber does not represent you until a written fee agreement has been signed by you and Diane L. Gruber, and the fee listed in the agreement has been paid.


You are concerned that father may be awarded sole custody of your child. This thought is apparently very disturbing to you. However, before you take any action, you should first find out what an award of sole legal custody does and does not mean and whether it is even plausible in your case that father might be awarded sole legal custody. The factors to be considered by the court in awarding sole custody are set out in ORS 107.137. I urge you to review these factors and your situation with an attorney experienced with Oregon family law before taking any action.


You are under a lot of stress with your finance causing DHS to have concerns, the children being taken, and your ex not trying to work out a reasonable solution to the custody dispute. It is time for you to seek out a lawyer. You are going to need help with this process as your particular situation is complicated.

Seek out a family law lawyer in your area to represent you through the custody process.

Do not offer him money to stop fighting-that won't be binding upon him. Meaning he won't have to keep his "promise" to not fight you if you pay him off.

Best of luck to you!


This reply is not an attempt to solicit business. Tara Millan's reply is not to be considered a legal opinion regarding your inquiry. No attorney client relationship has been established with Millan's reply to your inquiry. Your matter is state specific and state laws and regulations most likely apply that are not mentioned in this reply. The information provided was in reply to a general question and cannot be relied upon as legal advice, nor does the information provided establish an attorney client relationship. Seek out an attorney with whom you can fully explain your unique situation and enter into an attorney client relationship with that attorney.

Can't find what you're looking for?

Post a free question on our public forum.

Ask a Question

- or -

Search for lawyers by reviews and ratings.

Find a Lawyer