I am not entirely sure what you mean by "contact with me and kids." In North Carolina, in order to get divorced, you must live separate and apart for one year and one day before you may file for a divorce. Is your husband in this state? It is important to understand that at least in North Carolina, if your husband has a divorce judgment entered before you settle any marital property (which may or may not include money from this lawsuit you mention), then you would forever waive your rights to such property. Also, your husband could not obtain a divorce without your knowledge. That is, while you do not have to consent to the divorce, you would receive the summons and complaint, generally by certified mail or sheriff service. Only when the party can't be found, would service by publication be a viable option to serve someone with the summons. All of this means that you should probably consult with and hire an attorney to assist you.
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