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I visit my elderly mom and she starts to argue with me and threatens to call Elder Abuse hotline or a friend to beat me up....

Buffalo, NY |

When I go visit my elderly mom, she often argues with me or puts me. down. Then she has physically punched me in my stomach when I tried to hug her goodby. She then starts screaming telling me to get away loud enough for someone to call the police. Since I am in her house, the police have wanted to charge me with trespassing and harassment. Usually I go to my mothers to visit and go shopping for her or bring her groceries. She ends up accusing me of making her cook and throws the groceries at me and pushes me down some stairs. She has alarmed neighbors and my sister who lives downstairs. She also talks to cousins who now believe that I am abusing her and has ostracized me from family. She needs the help and is low income. She ruined my name with police and they will not help me.

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Attorney answers 4


It sounds like she may need madical attention? Or she needs to be evaluated. Not sure what to suggest. Talk to your family about concerns. Does she behave this way towards you when others are around?

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Family won't listen to me and she refuses to get help. She does not behave this way towards anyone else but me. She does not act this way in front of family but when they hear her screaming they take her side and they call the police and I am not even doing anything to her. She wanted me to measure shade one time and when I did she started screaming that I am going to break her window and then she calls the police and I get in trouble for being there.

Virginia Giselle Alvarez

Virginia Giselle Alvarez


There's more to this story. For now to be alone with her


I assume you have no siblings. I would consider calling Adult Protective Services. With her attitude, I don't think a guardian proceeding at this time would be productive

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That is tough and you are not alone. Here are some themes to consider.

She could have angry dementia. I have been to seminars before where the experts tell us to emphasize to people in your situation to not take it personally. That part of their brain that suppresses such behavior has become impaired and it will most likely continue. Medication may help.

Might be time to get sister and cousins together and ask what to do. Maybe include a geriatric care manager which is really helpful and not that expensive. Basically, you are creating a care team.

It sounds like your mom is carrying around a lot of upset but she seems like she is still capable of being independent with her activities of daily living. As painful as it might be for you, she has a right to be cranky and live independently if she can. That is another reason why a care team is nice since it can spread the angst and give you all some respite.

If she is showing sign that she cannot manage her activities of daily living (hygiene, nutrition, mobility, etc) and her failures there are becoming a substantial risk, most states have an adult protective services agency and some even have mobile senior units that literally drop by and do an assessment while having coffee.

I would start by a family meeting and if the others are having similar problems a geriatric care manager there as well. I would not tell mom about it since it could threaten her and have her isolate herself in response.

This is a place where an elder law attorney can help you with the ounce of prevention to avoid the pound of cure by helping to coordinate such solutions. Talk to one in your area. Hopefully your mom has a current estate plan.

Hang in there.


In addition to the other answers-I would take a friend(or witness) with you whenever you visit her.

The answer given does not imply that an attorney-client relationship has been established and your best course of action is to have legal representation in this matter.