You cannot drop the charges: the charges were made by the Commonwealth against your husband, and it is a criminal (albeit family court) matter now. What you can and should do is to contact the Assistant Commonwealth's attorney if one has been appointed to the case, and let them know that you feel that going to jail isn't an appropriate sanction against your husband. If no ACA has been appointed to the case, you still must appear in Court, and tell the judge that you think that it is appropriate that your husband go and receive anger management counseling so that he doesn't raise his hands against you or another family member again.
This is not something to incur lightly, and when you have done so, and used the services of the police and courts, you should be willing to follow it through.
Legal issues often depend on the specific facts in any given case or situation. Please do NOT utilize the information you receive as either a binding legal opinion in your case, nor presume that I am your counsel because I've answered a question you had. Any legal representation is accomplished by written contract ONLY, signed by each of us.
If this is your husband's first offense of domestic assault & battery pursuant to §18.2-57.2 of the Code of Virginia, then your husband is eligible to have the domestic assault & battery charged dismissed in 2 years if he complies with the Judge's order & conditions. Such conditions include attending an anger management class and remaining of good behavior for 2 years. This "first time offender" treatment is administered pursuant to $18.2-57.3. I have attached the statute for your review:
§ 18.2-57.3. Persons charged with first offense of assault and battery against a family or household member may be placed on local community-based probation; conditions; education and treatment programs; costs and fees; violations; discharge.
A. When a person is charged with a violation of § 18.2-57.2, the court may defer the proceedings against such person, without a finding of guilt, and place him on probation under the terms of this section.
B. For a person to be eligible for such deferral, the court shall find that (i) the person was an adult at the time of the commission of the offense, (ii) the person has not previously been convicted of any offense under this article or under any statute of the United States or of any state or any ordinance of any local government relating to assault and battery against a family or household member, (iii) the person has not previously had a proceeding against him for violation of such an offense dismissed as provided in this section, (iv) the person pleads guilty to, or enters a plea of not guilty or nolo contendere and the court finds the evidence is sufficient to find the person guilty of, a violation of § 18.2-57.2, and (v) the person consents to such deferral.
C. The court may (i) where a local community-based probation services agency established pursuant to Article 9 (§ 9.1-173 et seq.) of Chapter 1 of Title 9.1 is available, order that the eligible person be placed with such agency and require, as a condition of local community-based probation, the person to successfully complete all treatment, education programs or services, or any combination thereof indicated by an assessment or evaluation obtained by the local community-based probation services agency if such assessment, treatment or education services are available; or (ii) require successful completion of treatment, education programs or services, or any combination thereof, such as, in the opinion of the court, may be best suited to the needs of the person.
D. The court shall require the person entering such education or treatment program or services under the provisions of this section to pay all or part of the costs of the program or services, including the costs of any assessment, evaluation, testing, education and treatment, based upon the person's ability to pay. Such programs or services shall offer a sliding-scale fee structure or other mechanism to assist participants who are unable to pay the full costs of the required programs or services.
The court shall order the person to be of good behavior for a total period of not less than two years following the deferral of proceedings, including the period of supervised probation, if available.
The court shall, unless done at arrest, order the person to report to the original arresting law-enforcement agency to submit to fingerprinting.
E. Upon fulfillment of the terms and conditions specified in the court order, the court shall discharge the person and dismiss the proceedings against him. Discharge and dismissal under this section shall be without adjudication of guilt and is a conviction only for the purposes of applying this section in subsequent proceedings. No charges dismissed pursuant to this section shall be eligible for expungement under § 19.2-392.2.
F. Upon violation of a term or condition of supervised probation or of the period of good behavior, the court may enter an adjudication of guilt and proceed as otherwise provided by law.