The opposing party wants to argue that the court orders me to attend the deposition in their state. I have told them that I can't afford it and they afford me to pay for travel expenses. I also told them that I can't commit to traveling do to my disability, there's times that my back is in so much pain and I can't even get out of bed. They made an issue about me not bringing that up at first. They knew that I'm a disabled Vet, I didn't think that I had to remind them. How can a court order me to attend with my disability?
Your disability is not the issue. Disabled persons can still be deposed. Yes, the court can order you to attend a deposition within the county where the action is pending. If you are the plaintiff, the court is more likely to order it.
You mention a CMC. If this is for a case management conference, and no other hearing, the court will not make such an order at the hearing. A motion is required to compel your attendance in CA and you will have the opportunity to file written opposition and attend oral argument, either telephonically or in person.
It is unclear why you would personally have to attend a CMC if you are represented by counsel. If you are in pro per, you are at a distinct disadvantage especially if you live out of state. Good luck.
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You don't need to typically attend a CMC. You can hire an attorney to appear on your behalf.
Discovery disputes (such as where to conduct a deposition) will not be resolved at a case management conference. That conference is just for making sure the case is on track and setting dates for judicial arbitration, mandatory settlement conference, trial, etc. You generally do not have to attend the CMC in person; most courts permit a telephone appearance.
The opposing party is entitled to take your deposition, but the general rule is that it must be within 75 miles of your home, or 150 miles if it is taken in the county where the action is pending. But a court can order you to travel further than that, and if you are the plaintiff - that is, if you chose to file suit in the county where the action is pending - it is more likely that you will be compelled to give a deposition there.
You really should have a lawyer representing you in this matter. Any case that's worth litigating is worth litigating correctly, and that means being represented by competent counsel.
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