Actually a funny headline of script for "SNL", you should send to them. Are you kidding or had nothing better to do than to post such self incriminating statement.
You are lucky that your attorney warned you, best to follow his/her recommendation.
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Your attempt at being ironic falls far short of the mark. That is, if it was such an attempt. If this is a sincere appeal to this panel of professionals, I suggest you stay as far away from illicit behavior as possible. As they used to say, you just don't have the chops for it. Stay on the straight and narrow.
To quote Jim Capaldi and Steve Winwood, "Please don't be sad if it was a straight mind you had/we wouldn't have known you all these years." Straight mind = good thing. Slinging dope = 5 -10 in the State Pen. Think about it, or not.
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